Saturday, August 9, 2008

Olympics = Gay

The only thing that is less gay about the Olympics now vs. 1 million years ago is that there aren’t dicks swinging around in olive oil.

Why the hell does NBC dictate to us what Olympic sports we can be proud of? Gymnastics (gay), water sports (gay and disgusting; in the Olympics when someone gets first in a water sport they get a golden shower), track (gay). Why couldn’t all of us proud Americans see the first gold medal won, because NBC sucks and won’t show fencing. Now Fencing might sound and look gay, but for god’s sake it’s a fucking sword fight (not the kind with dicks). These people are stabbing the shit out of each other; but no, we get to watch a bunch of dudes swinging around poles like high dollar strippers.

Let’s see some fucking shot put and javelin action. I want to see some big mother fucker throw a 15 pound lead ball 75 feet. That way I can imagine them hurling a fucking cannon ball at the enemy when all the gun powder on there battle ship gets wet.

Let’s see some spear chuckers out there (no not porch monkeys, spear chuckers). Let’s get the javelin throw live, just in case some jackass judge gets harpooned through the fucking neck.

What about archery, that is straight up the proof of skill that some dude can fucking kill you in the chest from a mile away.

Diving, fuck diving. That is essentially showing how fancy these piss ants can run away from a battle. “Oh look, I’ll dive into this lake and make as little surface disruption as possible so that my pursuers can’t find me.” FUCK YOU. pussy.

Swimming is just an exercise in seeing how far you can get from your sinking war ship before that shot putter can smash your fucking dome with a damn cannonball.

I’m not fucking with water polo, that shits intense.

The Olympics were meant to identify the greatest athletes, and in turn the person with the greatest warrior potential. Don’t give me synchronized swimming and BMX racing bullshit. (yeah, BMX is in the Olympics this year. That’s a fucking X-game, leave it there).

Let’s see some rowing where they ram each other in efforts to sink the other teams shit.
Let’s see some really up to date shit where the guys shoot guns at stuff.

Boxing is worthy of the Olympics. Wrestling is worthy of the Olympics. Horse riding is worthy of the Olympics (hey, Calvary is badass).

This shit NBC is feeding us is worthless. The next time I need some 12 year old Chinese bitch who is going to end up a Thai hooker in fucking Bangladesh to win a war by spinning a ribbon on a stick, I’ll let ya know. Until then she can suck the dicks of all the U.S. diplomats going to Croatia on “official business”.

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