Sunday, July 6, 2008

Nestle Lion - Mike says, "RRRAAAAAAAAARRRRR"

Target: Nestle Lion – I first discovered this once while tromping around in Kuwait. It's another candy that isn’t very available in the States. But eater beware, it's some vicious shit.


Packaging: Right out in front is the ferociousness of a big ass lions head. Then next to it, for pre-schoolers and idiots, is the corresponding title of the big cat that is about to eat you. Nestle Lion bar, eat it before it eats you.

Whenever you pick this bar up don’t forget to watch your ass. If you notice the big lion taking up all the space on the wrapper is just a distraction. You see, this is how lions hunt. One big pussy gets out in front of you and distracts you, while another lion pounces onto your death from the lower right hand portion of the package.

Upside-down death from below.

I would also like to point out that there are two ingredient lists. One that breaks the chemical compounds for the geeks in the room and once that gives you the straight up street value of this piece. Notice that the street listing provides with two stories, one in which there is a wafer, one in which there is not. I think someone needs a good old fashion beat down to get there story straight. Lying punk bitch scum.

Also, notice near the hieroglyphics that Nestle decided to tell that the Lion is best before it is over, unlike any 311 song.

Candy: 9 of 10: This is one of my favorites. I don’t know if it is because I only find one every couple of years or if Nestle is just that good. The fist sensation is the popping of the little rice crispies embedded in the chocolate. Then you get to a good solid piece of chewy caramel. Not that runny baby snot crap that come out of a Caramello, but more of a Rolo type caramel.

Top view
Bottom view.

The caramel is nice and chewy, which is a good contrast to the crunchy rice and wafer product. Speaking of this elusive wafer character, is like a big Kit-Kat, not Big Kat big, just larger than average. Which I guess is a good thing, to have a larger than average wafer. But you know, if it weren’t for the smaller than average sized wafers then the average would be much bigger. So if you think about it, a slightly less than average sized wafer is as common as a larger one; and there is nothing wrong with that. So lets all just enjoy our “normal” Kit-Kat sized wafers when we get a chance to get one.

When eating the Lion (stoopid cat). I kind of breaks up. The caramel/rice/chocolate layer breaks off of the wafer section. Not a big deal but kinda weird.

The flavors of the Lion are not to many. You have a strong caramel taste and a light chocolate taste. They are both very good, but the caramel is the clear star. What brings this candy to a 9 from a 7is the textural feats of chewy, crispy, and wafer.
Nestle Lion - cross section.
Bitten, I think. (thanks to

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